The Day Camp Incident: You’re Out
Confronting a situation causes me anxiety. This experience helped me become more comfortable with it.
August 4, 2016 | 9:48 PM
Lead by example: to act in a way that shows others how to act
Today, I addressed the safety issues with the director of the parks and recreations department for our city’s summertime day camp programs. Confronting an issue with strangers is something that does not come easily to me. I become anxious and my face becomes profusely sweaty.
I sat in my car. It was still. It was quiet. I knew that the way I handled this situation would reflect either great or poorly on Ash. I don’t want him labeled as having "that mom".
Questions like: will bringing this up reflect poorly on me or my son? Am I over-reacting? If I say nothing and a child gets abducted or lost or molested, wouldn't I be partially responsible?
I realized that I couldn't preach self-control and self-regulation to Ash and not do it myself. I had to lead by example by being the example.
On my drive to the office (a two minute drive which felt like sixty), I realized I had to utilize this flood of FIRE and bring down the flames. If I wanted to be heard and truly listened to, then I needed speak calmly.
I could hear Grant telling me, "Danni, I know you're frustrated and angry. This is the last thing you needed on your plate today. If you're intense you won't be heard. If you stick with the facts and the result you want, then you'll have a better chance at getting what you want or close to what you want." My husband is great at being diplomatic.
I found a parking spot in front of the building just waiting for me. With a deep breath in and a strong breath out I got out of the car and walked up the steps. I grasped the ornate door handle. Locked? DAMNIT! I tried it again then realized I needed to press the lever on the button to unlock the latch.
Receptionist: "Hi there! How may I help you?"
Me: (deep sigh) "Hi, I need to pull my son out of blah-blah-blah day camp at blah-blah Park. I'm very dissatisfied with the program. I know it's not you personally and that you're the receptionist representing the program, so I'm trying to remain calm and not be upset towards you. Cuz I know you're not responsible."
Receptionist: "Okay no problem. I'll get Teena who runs that department."
Me: "Okay thanks. I really appreciate it."
Less than a minute passes and Teena comes up, introduces herself and asks how she can help. I ask if there's someplace we can talk. I follow her into a makeshift conference room and we sit across from one another at the table.
Me: "I'm really dissatisfied with blah-blah-blah day camp at blah-blah Park."
I proceeded to give her a rundown of what happened and stayed to the facts of the matter.
Teena: "That was completely unacceptable. It's about perception and the perception that was conveyed was carelessness and irresponsibility."
I acknowledged that I understand that there are a lot of kids there, staff know my son by name, and that I'm not looking for anyone to be reprimanded or lose their job.
Teena: "Thank you for saying that. We do have a lot of kids there and the staff do their best. But still, it's all about perception. I'm here in the office and don't know what's happening there, unless a parent reports it. I'm glad you came in to tell me, so we can make sure everyone at all campsites are on the same page about safety."
I expressed my gratitude for her attention and hearing me. As she walked me to the door, I shook her hand and then gave her a hug. That caught her, and myself as well, by surprise.
Teena said that I would be receiving a full reimbursement for the remainder of the camp days he won't be attending. As I walked to my car, I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me.
What I learned
Lead by example: There are times when leading by example SUUUUCKS! I’d rather throw my hands up in the air and say FUCK THIS.
It’s about others: It would’ve been easy to simply pull Ash out of the camp program only to lament how I wish I had done something about it. But I couldn't. Because I would know that I didn’t take a stand for Ash or for the other kids and parents in the program. The director had to be made aware of the safety issues. If something horrible happened to another child, then I would feel that I had a hand in it.
Communication: Grant and I have taught Ash to tell us when he doesn’t feel safe. It can be scary for a child, especially a six-year-old child, to approach and express his / her concern to a grown up who's in an authoritative position. It can be intimidating for an adult to approach and express their concern to a grown up who's in an authoritative position. When Ash is an adult, I want him to remember that he came to me with a concern and I did something to address it.