I Need Some Encouragement
Found this email from 2014, when Ash was 4. Why was I even concerned about this?
LegoLand California. Ash, age 5, striking a ninja pose in front of Cole, the Ninjago Elemental Master of Earth. His favorite character is Jay, the Elemental Master of Lightning.
I really enjoy coming across old parenting emails. This particular email shows me how much I’ve grown as a parent, since 2014.
As a first time parent, I felt insecure and questioned if the decisions I made were “right” or in-line with current parenting philosophies. Each phase of Ash’s development brought multiple parenting styles to the forefront. And being the over achiever that I am, I wanted to make the right decisions on the first go.
At the time of this writing, I was friends with a group of moms who were not down with cops and robbers, NERF guns (Ash and I still play with these), watching anything with violence, etc. Their reasons were valid (the studies have shown that…, pediatricians say that…, this expert says…) and I felt like I was missing something, because I grew up playing the same games with my younger brother (and we were way more dangerous back then). I truly had no issues with Ash playing the same games.
In hindsight, you must go on the journey and discover which parenting style and philosophies work for you. That’s what ‘s gonna be the best for your child and your peace of mind.
The following article was written on May 28, 2014 at 4:46 PM.
Hey Indie,
I need an Indie pep talk.
Ash's pretend play of superheroes, Ninjago, arresting and shooting bad guys, wanting to wrestle and being noisy are all part of being a four year old boy, right? I get side-eyes from the other moms and I feel like I might be “missing” something.
He's being exposed to different ways of play while at the gym’s daycare, which is full of kids ages 3-12. It seems like the kids he meets on the playground and even in school aren't allowed to express themselves in those forms of pretend play. It makes me question my parenting. But I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. He’s being a kid.
I need some reassurance or something I guess. Help?:) Danni
Howdy. :) Sending you a virtual hug. I wish I had more time to talk or write, but I'm crunched for time these days, so I'll simply say this - go with your gut, and don't place so much value on what others think and do. You are a great parent, and you know your child better than anyone else. ALL kids go though different phases, and there really is no "normal". Ash is very smart, has a ton of energy, and works things out in his own way. I imagine he makes guns out of playdough or bites his sandwich into gun shapes, etc - Milo did that, too, and I was one of those parents who "banned" gun toys and gun play back then. Didn't matter. I think he's turned out OK, so far.
Maybe it would help for you to talk with your pediatrician? I talk to the kids' doctor about concerns I have when I see her, and it really helps. They see the worst of the worst, at times, so they can really put things into perspective.
Lots of love, and see you Friday,
Indie.
Thank you so much, Indie, for taking time to reply. I turn to you for your wisdom and your tried and true experience. You’re raising 3 boys and it’s a great insight for this first timer.
I love your perspectives and the sincere sensitivity in your discernment. You have great insight and I like how you help me view things in practical ways.
You're part of Ash's world more than she is and I know you'd tell me if you saw something in him that needed my attention. Thank you for reassuring me and giving it to me straight.
He has his well check in June and I will ask his pediatrician about this topic as well. Love you lots and virtual hugs were well received!:) Danni